


broken ribs and kryptonite can’t match up to this (but maybe you can get rid of this pain)

by LavenderMandarin



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Green Kryptonite, Hurt/Comfort, Kara Danvers Needs a Hug, Lena Luthor Finds Out Kara Danvers is Supergirl, Love Confessions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:55:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26917720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LavenderMandarin/pseuds/LavenderMandarin
Summary: Kara is always hurting, but Lena makes it easier to bear.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 20
Kudos: 207





	broken ribs and kryptonite can’t match up to this (but maybe you can get rid of this pain)

Kara gets hurt a lot.

It’s to be expected considering her line of work and just how many aliens and people are after her life. Most of the time, she fights through the pain and heals on the sunbed, waiting patiently for the pain to go away so that she can go back out and fight another day.

Sometimes, though, it gets to be too much.

Sometimes, an alien will overpower her and beat her to the ground, and Kara will wonder if maybe, just maybe, she’s just a lost, little girl masquerading as a superhero. (She is, but she tries not to think about it too much.)

Her fight with Reign was the worst she had ever suffered. She had expected to go in and get minor injuries, but Reign had broken her apart. Just the idea of going through that pain again makes her wince. The broken ribs, the concussion, the internal bleeding, it was more than she’d ever suffered on Earth.

That is, until she was exposed to kryptonite.

Trying to defeat Reign meant finding a weakness. But, the only ideas they had were to use kryptonite. Kryptonite that Kara had to wield to defeat Reign. Only she could get close enough, but it didn’t make having to use the kryptonite any easier.

The first time she was exposed to the supercharged version was accidental. Alex was busy preparing the injection, and Kara had walked into the lab.

She remembers it clearly. She had walked in, asking Alex what she wanted for lunch, when suddenly, a wave of nausea swept over her and she stumbled to her knees. If she didn’t have an empty stomach, she knows she would’ve thrown up on the floor. Luckily, Alex acted quick and closed the lead case over the kryptonite.

She had gotten checked over and then again, and she had insisted that she was fine, that it was only a little bit of exposure, but she couldn’t shake the _pain_ that had wracked her when she’d walked into the lab.

She never wanted to go through it ever again. But, she had no choice. She had to. For the rest of the world.

Sometimes she likes to think about where she would be if it wasn’t always “for the rest of the world”. But then Alex will call her on her DEO-issued cellphone or Winn will talk to her over her comms and she’ll brush the thoughts away, shoulder on her suit, and get ready for her next fight.

(She still thinks about the what-ifs, the possibilities in her future if she hadn’t taken up the role she had, but it’s too late to change it. Kara can indulge herself a little, though, can’t she?)

Fighting Reign hadn’t been any easier. Fresh out of her coma and carrying the kryptonite injection had made her weaker, but she knew that if she didn’t get close enough to Reign, if she couldn’t just hold on a few more minutes and fight through the pain, she would have failed.

She doesn’t fail this time. Reign flies off, kryptonite in her veins, and Kara almost feels bad for her, but then she remembers what Reign had done, what she was here to do, and she doesn’t feel so bad anymore.

She meets up with Lena the next day, and she can already feel the phantom whispers of pain that still wrack her fading away.

They spend lunch together, chatting about nothing in particular, and Kara feels weightless. She feels her heart fluttering away in her chest, light with happiness.

Lena is like a concentrated beam of sunlight. She makes Kara feel energized and calm, the same way the sunlight does as it sinks into her cells and soothes her aches and bruises. When she spends time with Lena, it’s like she’s submerged in molasses. Everything is sweet and relaxed and slow in the best way.

Even though Lena’s eyes are the same piercing green of kryptonite, Lena has the opposite effect on her. Where kryptonite makes her nauseous, weak, and ache all over, being anywhere near Lena makes her feel fluttery and happy. While they both make her dizzy and unable to think clearly at times, the dizziness that comes from Lena is a thousand times better.

Lena makes her feel so happy and carefree that she forgets about telling her. She forgets about the secrets she’s keeping.

* * *

Lex ruins it all.

Lex comes in, with his kryptonite and his LexoSuit and his plans and ruins _everything._

Kara doesn’t even know until it’s too late.

Red Daughter comes first, destroying Supergirl’s reputation and Supergirl herself.

Lex comes next, kidnapping aliens and pretending to be the hero.

And then… and then Lex’s plans come in.

Lex portals away only to be stopped by Lena.

Lena, who is unyieldingly good and light and kind. Lena who shoots Lex twice in the chest. Lena, who learns about Kara’s secret from her dying brother. Lena, who Kara is undeniably and irreversibly in love with.

* * *

Lena comes over to game night anyway. She comes over and sits by J'onn and smiles the softest smile at Kara and Kara can’t see anything wrong.

Sometimes, being unable to think clearly around Lena can backfire.

* * *

Kara tells her.

Kara tells her at the Pulitzer Party.

She tells her right before Lena is supposed to go on stage and present her with her Pulitzer.

She _tells_ her.

Lena leaves her behind, a mess of tears that she has to wipe away before she’s due onstage as well.

Lena presents her with a Pulitzer and kindness. Understanding that made Kara melt in relief. She had expected this to go so many ways, but she feels so relieves that Lena understands, that Lena trusts in her.

She has to race off to save the day again, and this time her suit materializes right in front of Lena.

The awe shining in Lena’s eyes is enough for her to do anything.

* * *

Kara takes Lena to the Fortress under the pretense of having Lena find the right weapons.

Really, Kara just wants to show Lena her home, a part of who she is.

The wonder and excitement that twinkles in Lena’s eyes makes her beam, and she has to make a conscious effort to stop herself from floating the rest of the way to the weapons room.

Rama Khan finds them, and Kara is able to hold him off long enough for Lena to arrive with the biggest gun they could find.

Kara is smiling as she turns, about to congratulate Lena on their first win as a team.

Lena isn’t next to her.

Kara finds Lena back in the weapons room, and she sighs in relief that she’s okay, that she’s safe.

“There you are, Lena! What happened?”

And then she looks down as Lena turns and she sees it.

Lena is… Lena is holding Myriad.

Lena turns and stares at her with the coldest look Kara has ever seen directed at _her,_ and Kara can feel her heart breaking. She can hear the cracking, the shattering, the clinking as the shards of her heart hit the icy ground.

“I have Myriad because I’m using you… like you used me.”

Kara tries everything she can. She tries to convince Lena that she is _good,_ better than anyone else. She has seen what Myriad can do. Lena will never forgive herself.

Instead, she has to take the brunt of Lena’s anger.

Lena swipes and slashes at her with her words, and Kara can feel herself bleeding. She has to touch her face and check her hands to make sure there isn’t actual blood several times.

Her fingers come away wet, but not with blood. She only finds tears.

Lena traps her in the Fortress, leaving in the same transmat portal that Lex used to get away, that Lex used to survive and live to manipulate Lena.

Kara’s vision blurs and her mind whirls.

She doesn’t even realize she’s been exposed to kryptonite until she looks down at her hands again. They’re pulsing green, and Kara feels detached shock. _I don’t even feel it. Why don’t I feel it?_

But she knows as well as anyone else why.

It turns out, kryptonite isn’t what hurts Supergirl the most.

It’s Lena Luthor leaving her behind.

* * *

It feels like the rest of the world is against her from then on.

Alex and Brainy come to the Fortress and let her out, panicking and worrying in equal measure about her state of “trapped in a block of ice” and Lena’s state of “not in the Fortress”.

She doesn’t stay to explain.

The first thing she does is to use the computer in the Fortress to track Lena.

The map points to Mt. Norquay. Kara follows.

She tries, desperately, to get Lena to listen to her. Kara doesn’t even remember what she says, just the adrenaline rushing through her veins as she tries to convince Lena that she trusts her and that it was never about Lena being a Luthor.

She gets shot by two cannons for her efforts and threatened by kryptonite.

Kara knows that Lena never talking to her will hurt more than being hit by the kryptonite, but she flies away anyway. She can’t die here. She needs to try. She needs to try and get Lena back.

She doesn’t know what she’ll do if she can’t.

* * *

Her attempts are foiled when she’s called upon as the Paragon of Hope and she has to watch the Infinite Earths wiped away across a monitor screen.

After finally defeating the Anti-Monitor, she returns to a world where _Lex Luthor_ is a _hero._

What’s worse is that Lena is working _with_ him.

Kara spends the night staring up at the stars.

She wishes she was still on Krypton.

* * *

Her life only becomes worse.

She finds out that Lex is working with a group called Leviathan. She finds out that the new Obsidian VR is being controlled by Leviathan. She finds out that Leviathan is made up of _gods._

None of that matters as much as the fact that she knows with certainty that she couldn’t have changed when she told Lena her secret. She tries and tries and tries and _tries._ And each time, she can never save everyone. Each time, someone gets hurt. She’s almost willing to stick with the timeline in which she dies, but she knows Lena could never live with that guilt, and she knows that she would be hurting everyone else. Kara gives up after she sees a twisted version of Lena. A version of Lena that watched her die with pleasure gleaming in her eyes.

Kara wonders if maybe this _(her)_ Lena wants her dead, too.

* * *

Kara spends her nights on the roof of her apartment now.

The view isn’t _nearly_ as widespread as the one from the roof of L-Corp, but Kara knows she isn’t welcome there. She isn’t willing to test Lena’s limits.

She almost laughs. She had pushed so hard for Lena to come back after the fortress incident, but ever since they landed on this new Earth, Kara can tell. Kara knows she’s no longer welcome. She knows she won’t be welcome for a long time. Lex would kill her _and_ Lena sooner than he would let Kara anywhere near Lena.

She spends a lot of her time on the roof exploring the what-ifs. It’s not like she has anything better to do. Sleep evades her, and anytime she manages to fall into a fitful doze, she gets woken up only minutes later by an emergency call.

So she indulges herself a little. (She can afford that now, can’t she?)

The only things that keep her and her thoughts company are the occasional bottle of Aldebaran Rum or Vernissium Gin she brings up with her.

(She prefers the gin. The green of the liquor reminds her of Lena’s eyes.)

* * *

She’s pacing her apartment, frustrated yet again by the destruction of the DEO, when she hears a few light raps against her front door.

She frowns.

Alex would just come barging in, or her knocks would be harder. Everyone else would just call her through her comms.

She resists the urge to use her x-ray vision. She’s not sure why. Normally, she would be extra cautious if an unknown person knocked at her door, but she doesn’t this time.

(Maybe because, somewhere in the back of her mind, she knows that these knocks belong to Lena. The knocks belong to Lena when she comes over after a long day and is holding big bags of Chinese or boxes of pizza. The knocks belong to Lena when she needs someone to talk to. The knocks belong to Lena when she comes over with donuts and ice cream and puts on Kara’s favorite musical after Kara’s had a hard day.)

She pulls open the door only to find Lena standing on the other side.

Lena is dressed in a maroon overcoat, similar to the one she was wearing in the fortress.

Kara feels a pang at the sight, and she steps back, retreating into the safety of her apartment. She can’t take another berating. She can’t argue anymore. She just _can’t._ It had taken her so long to find the pieces of her heart and put them back together. She’s not strong enough to survive it breaking again. She knows she won’t be able to find all the pieces this time.

Instead, Lena follows, walking into the apartment quietly and shutting the door behind her with a _click._ The sound is foreboding, and Kara flinches a little before Lena turns back around to face her.

Kara leans against the chair, preparing herself for the worst. She has Alex on-call, too, ready to dial with one click. Because, as much as Kara hates it, she knows that being by herself will make the yawning chasm in her chest open up even more.

Lena inhales, and the shakiness of her breath snaps Kara back to the present.

“I have made… a terrible mistake. I was hurt. I was so hurt. And… I thought I could get rid of the hurt. I thought that I knew better, that I could make the world a better place… but I was wrong. That hurt, ehm, took me down a dark, dark path… where I was blind to what I was really doing… to what I’d become. I’m not looking for forgiveness. I know what I said and I know what I’ve done, but I am… I’m so sorry, Kara.”

Kara crosses her arms, folding in on herself. _No, no, no. If this is a trap. If this is all a lie. If this is Lex’s plan._ Kara almost breaks right then and there, holding herself together just a little bit longer. She can break apart when Lena leaves, pick up the pieces by herself and try and fit them back together, knowing they won’t because Lena’s not there to fill the gaps anymore.

“Lex and Leviathan are using the system I designed. I didn’t know I was helping them, but… but now I want to help stop them. Please, okay? I want to help stop Lex _and_ Leviathan.”

Kara almost cries right then and there, but she holds steady. She holds off, crosses her arms tighter, and then walks around the table.

“Sit down.”

* * *

Later, while Lena’s explaining everything, Lex’s plans, Leviathan’s history, how Non Nocere and Obsidian are supposed to work, Kara pours her a cup of hot tea, just the way she likes it.

She boils the water, pours it into the mug, and then puts the teabag in, leaving it to steep awhile and returning to the table where Lena is busy explaining how Obsidian works.

She comes back to check on it a few minutes later, and, satisfied, brings the mug over to the table.

She sets it down gently on the surface of the table, next to Lena’s trembling hand.

“I made you some tea.”

“Oh.”

Kara winces at how awkward they’ve become, but it’s no surprise. After all, she hurt Lena in the worst way possible. She shouldn’t have expected anything else.

Lena’s drinking the tea slowly, but after a few silent moments, when Kara realizes she isn’t going to put the mug down anytime soon, Kara sighs and begins to speak.

“I’m… I’m sorry, Lena. I’m so so sorry, I didn’t ever mean…” Kara pauses. She doesn’t even know why, what she meant, what she didn’t mean, it’s all so confusing.

“I always trusted you. I still trust you, no matter what you think.”

Kara debates telling Lena everything, debates pouring her heart out right then and there, telling her about _everything._ She decides it’s too much. Too much to place on Lena’s shoulders after everything else.

“I’m sorry,” she says instead.

Lena stares at her for a few moments, silently studying her, as if Kara’s expression holds all the secrets of the universe.

The attention makes her Kara flush, and she tilts her head down, embarrassed.

“Why?”

The question catches her off guard.

“What?”

“Why? Even after everything, everything I’ve done, why are _you_ apologizing?”

“Because… becau—“

“I can’t understand you. Why are you still apologizing? Why do you keep coming back? I can’t… I don’t know why you’re still here.”

Kara freezes, and the sadness morphs into rage that even now, Lena still doesn’t know how much she’s worth, how Kara sees her.

“Is that what you think?”

“Everything about us was a lie, wasn’t it?! Why would you still be here? I can’t understand it! Unless you’re still making sure I don’t become the next Lex.”

Kara turns around, the tears burning behind her closed eyelids as she tries to suppress the whirlwind of fury and sadness and desperation swirling inside her.

“You pretended to be my friend… and I fell for it. Hook, line, and sinker.”

Kara can’t do it anymore. It’s too much. The emotions swirl faster and start to rise, forcing her to spin around and open her mouth.

“None of it was pretend! Don’t you get it? I always wanted to be your friend! I trusted you and I loved you! I stayed, and I’m still staying because I love you, Lena! And I guess that’s the last of my secrets to give. Believe me or not. I didn’t— I didn’t… I’m sorry.”

Kara stands by the counter, staring at the ground. Lena is sitting stock-still, her mug of tea set down with trembling hands.

“Why didn’t you tell me about your identity, then?”

“Because… because I wanted to keep you safe. I… not from other people… from me. I didn’t want you to get caught in the crossfire, I never wanted you to get hurt because of me, but you got hurt anyway, and I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry. I just… I just wanted you to be safe. I never wanted to hurt you.”

Kara shudders, visions of Alex floating in a tank of water, James jumping off a building, Corben holding his gun up to Alex’s temple, Eliza standing next to Red Daughter, on and on and on until Lena snaps her out of it.

“Kara. Kara, are you okay?”

“I’m… yeah, I’m fine.”

How many times has she said those exact words? _I’m fine, I’m okay, everything’s fine, it’s okay,_ until it’s a knee-jerk reaction to anyone and everyone.

“No, you’re not. What’s wrong?”

And of course, Lena would know. Lena, her best friend, the woman she’ll love until the very last second of her miserable life. Lena, who knows her better than anyone.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers in response. And then it’s too much. It’s all too much and the dam breaks. The tears flood down her face and she has to cover her mouth, trying her hardest to muffle her sobs.

She recovers after a few minutes to the feeling of Lena holding her carefully. Somehow they’re on the ground now. Kara doesn’t remember how they had gotten there, but it doesn’t matter because Lena is still here. Lena, who hasn’t said anything about her feelings, is still holding Kara like she means everything to her.

“Sorry, sorry.” Kara wipes her eyes, rubbing away the tears. She sits up and scoots back, out of Lena’s space.

“Sorry. I didn’t… I’m sorry. You don’t have to. I can go. You don’t… I don’t want you to be uncomfortable because of my feelings. I’ll just…” Kara jerks her thumb behind her, pointing towards the door stiffly.

“This is your apartment, Kara!” Lena calls after her.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry,” is all Kara can say as she runs down the hall, bursting through the window and making a note to pay her landlord extra.

* * *

Lena finds her sitting on the roof of L-Corp as the sun is rising, faint pinks and light oranges spreading across the previously dark sky.

“Kara.”

Kara almost falls off the roof when she hears Lena’s voice.

“Hey, Lena!” her voice is high-pitched, nervous, and she knows Lena can hear it.

She sobers up and looks up at Lena.

“I’m sorry. I really am. You don’t… you’re not obligated to anything. You can cut me out of your life or we can be just friends… I don’t… you don’t have to reciprocate.”

“But I do.” Lena’s quiet admission drifts over to Kara, her superhearing catching on.

“…what?”

“I do. I do reciprocate. I love you, too, Kara.”

It takes Kara a few minutes to process the confession and another few to come up with words to say.

“You… you do?”

“Yes. I’ve loved you for so long. I don’t even remember when… I… I’m sorry, too.”

Kara stays silent before patting the space next to her, right on the edge of the roof.

“We should talk about this,” she observes quietly, scooting closer to Lena.

“We should,” Lena agrees.

She kisses her anyway. Lena is warm and soft and Lena _loves_ her and the thought is enough to bring Kara to tears again.

Lena pulls back and frowns a little, wiping away her tears carefully, hand on her cheek as her thumb swipes away the tears under her eyes.

“Are you okay? I’m not that bad of a kisser, right?” Lena jokes, but Kara can hear the hesitance in her voice.

She laughs a watery laugh and presses her forehead to Lena’s, closing her eyes to ground herself in this moment, to commit it to memory forever.

“Yeah. I’m okay,” and for the first time in a long while, she means it.

She thinks about Lena loving her against all odds, about them being together even when everyone else tells them they’re supposed to be enemies, and she thinks that maybe it’s all worth it. She knows now that she’d suffer through the pain she’s felt all over again if it meant that she would find Lena and have a chance to love her, be loved by her.

The pain is worth it when it comes to Lena.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked this one! 
> 
> The idea came to me suddenly one day in part because of my broken ankle and I started wondering about Kara feeling pain and it spiraled from there haha
> 
> also i'm on tumblr @catargott


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